July 5, 2007

Motivation low

I know it will come back -- but MAN it's been a tough week.
After talking things out and getting some feedback from the wife - who always knows me better than *I* know me - it's pretty clear that I'm having a bummer week and at the core it seems that this is another holiday that's come along with someone missing. This was one of his favorites, and I guess subconsciously I've been having trouble dealing with heading over to the parents' place like every year and having something very much out of place. It's affected a lot this week, and frankly I've been in a crappy mood because of it. Hard to shake such things.

It's just not fair, ya know? But anyways, it's making every OTHER hardship in life seem worse than it probably is. Had an absolutely *crappy* Monday - felt physically bad because of alergies or something, felt fatigued, tired, etc. Got thru job1 without a problem, I guess - then got to ride my bike: that always helps. Got to Job2, and was greeted by someone having apparently a worse Monday than *I* was, and - of course - I didn't SAY anything about it, just decided to "let it go", which was really an exercise in running it thru my head for about 18 hours. Man, it's a great job, but there is always that ONE guy, isn't there? Heaven forbid I don't catch the door on the 2nd attempt. Sheeesh. Later that night, albeit an accident, I get whacked in the chin by another co-worker. I mean, crap, THAT made my head feel better. (Pity party barge leaves in 5 minutes) Tuesday was slightly better except that job1 DRAGGED because everyone is on vacation this week, seemingly, and job2 we ran out of workstations, so I performed work outside and got a nice sunburn on my head. Feels great. At this point I'm just laughing about things so far. Because of the holiday, it seems like a whole new week now, and the events of Monday and Tuesday seem like they happened a month ago - but man...things probably woula rolled better if I hadn't had a hundred other things pending in my head.

So many things coming up in the next 6 months to plan for, so many things hinged on so many OTHER things. I haven't had "time" to ride, and take care of my mental state. Let's see: June was my lightest month this year on the saddle, and the only thing that kept it out of the basement of REALLY low mileage was the 600K. Thank goodness for the 600K, for without it all this stress would be a lot harder to absorb. But, honestly, I haven't commuted that much, and I haven't ridden a single WEEKEND ride of any length since the 600K. That really needs to change, and fast, before I lose fitness and endurance. I can't afford to let the stresses of the workweek wipe me out to the point where I stop doing the things I love.... but lately that's been the case. It's a vicious cycle, indeed. I need to get that zest back - but I keep forgetting HOW. Now that I'm working MORE, it's even more important that I be careful NOT to enjoy life LESS. I've got the Cannondale all built-up and ready to roll, and I haven't even test ridden it up the block and back yet. How do YOU spell "mild depression?" Snap out of it, dude!!!

Next week is a new week, and this weekend is a new weekend. Sunday, I think a nice, early-start, LONG ride is in order. Possibly 100 miles -- who knows. But, I think it would do me a tremendous amount of good to get out the maps, plot a route, and just kick my butt outta bed and get OUT there, and get my head reset. Maybe snap a few pictures and write a good story about it. Yeah..... I think that will work. La Cygne and back might be in order...maybe a trip out to Overbrook?

It's time to get back on track. Life is hard. Put on your helmet, and ride.


Noah said...

Which bike shop are you at? I know you loves you some Acme Bike but that's a haul from O'Town.

Cheers, it be friday. Arr!

O. T. said...

Just keep pedaling.......