Obsessive. Addict. Junkie.
It's not about the bike, or the ride, or the challenge so much as it's about the feelings I get after the ride is done. What scares me, if it's not evident in the last few posts, is losing that high. I don't know what else I could possibly do that would release endorphins quite as effectively as that long, long ride I crave.
Base miles are coming: long, slow, base miles this weekend. I start early. "Dude-early".
I'm happy to report that the oddness in the legs is beginning to leave me - and at the risk of jinxing it, that's good.
I'm going to take things easier - mentally. I have health, I have family. I may never heft that Tejas finishers trophy, and - honestly, not trying to trick myself - that's OK. I have what's important under one roof already, and I have clear sight of the powers watching over us under that roof.
Pain is temporary, and temporary is relative.
I'll get through this.
If I'm supposed to stop, I'm not good at taking hints.
I've been making things too complicated: at its core, bicycling is beautiful. I am not shrinking away from trying to succeed at something (at least not anymore)... just sending myself a reminder to not take it too seriously. There are plenty of professionals that do remarkable things out there that can take things seriously.
Of all the rides I've done, all the amazing memories I've created with lifelong friends out there - well, I can specifically remember the Tinbutt 12-hour race a few years back: It really doesn't matter what I wrote or what kind of observations I made - I didn't hydrate enough the day before, and I ran myself dry at the ride, spent a lot of time sitting in the shade - finally going out for one more lap, because that's all I had time for. I showed up on a lugged steel bike with bar-end shifters, among serious racers with carbon and aerobars. I had a great time. Somehow, by pure luck, I ended up being the only one in my age group... So, I won. Ort and I got a good laugh outta that one.
Though it wasn't said, I have to wonder if those other racers thought I wasn't taking things seriously enough.
I hope so.
I know how to ride a bike.
I know how to have a good time.
What else you want?